Today is Halloween. Perhaps the perfect day to share a first post. Why?

Because everyone is busy disguising themselves as something they’re not anyway.

That’s the allure of this holiday. To aspire to be something you wish you were.

This Halloween season alone, I’ve had three different costumes. I’ve dressed as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas, I’ve dressed as a fairy of darkness (although I was often mistaken for a red butterfly), and I’m now dressed (conservatively) as a spooky something-or-other (I’m at work and a full-on costume would be too much work for too little appreciation).

All of these costumes are just that: costumes. Disguises. The embodiment of things and characters I’ve admired.

Sally, she was loyal. She was faithful. She was realistic and she did everything she could to help Jack whilst he dreamed on. She knew unrequited love and loved anyway.

A dark fairy expresses a bit of whimsy. That’s not to say it shouldn’t be feared. It’s a beautiful blend of the fantastical and the sinister, the light and the dark, the glow and the shadow.

Right now, I’m not sure what I am. The costume consists of a simple black dress, a black velvet cloak, one black lace glove, Mary Janes, dark red lipstick, and bold red and black eyeshadow. I like to think of it as a mix of gothic wonder. And I’m comfortable in this.

All of these things, I so wish I could be every other day of the year. I wish I could exemplify these characters. I wish I could become these things. But I wish I could be so much more, too.

I want to be the loyal friend. I want to be the badass bitch. I want to be the awkward dork (I’m this one more often than not). But it’s so hard to find a balance between one concept and another.

I want people to see me as I wish I could see myself.

I can pretend to be a writer. I can pretend to be funny. I can pretend to be as interesting as a movie star or a dog saying “I love you.” But, in the end, I’m just going to be me.

And I have to be okay with that.