I’ve recently started wondering what people say about me behind my back.

I’ve always cared, a little bit. I always tried very hard to make it seem like I couldn’t care any less. But it never really bothered me as much as it does right now.

In high school, I was far from popular. I was barely even known. I wouldn’t say that I was anonymous; I went out of my way to be loud and rambunctious and rebellious and generally unpleasant. I’m sure that quite a few people thought I was weird. But, for me, that wasn’t enough. I wanted to be known as the weirdest. Unfortunately, I chose to surround myself with the weirdest bunch of kooks you’d ever lay eyes on.

Every high school has them. The freaks, the weird kids, the outcasts. That was us. And, every day, we just rolled with the punches. A little name-calling never got us down because we were strong, as long as we stuck together. And stick together we did. Rather than shy away from the insults, we embraced them. Hill freaks, you say? We shall henceforth be known as the Hill Freaks! None of those insults mattered because they were uttered by those we did not care about.

But nowadays… I’m constantly surrounded by people who’s good favor I strive to attain.

Which is stupid because I’m regularly annoyed with all of them and I’m quite brutal when they aren’t around to defend themselves. A dick move, I know. But, what can I say, I’m a bitch.

I’m assured that everyone believes that I’m a good person. That hardly a bad remark will leave their lips. From the praises I hear, I’m a fucking angel, goddammit.

And that annoys me. Come on, guys. I’m not perfect. I’ve got flaws and I’ve made mistakes. Tons of ’em. I’m bound to do something that pisses you off, something that is sure to make you peeved. Stop making me out to be this wonderful being. Because that’s a fucking high standard to live up to.

And I will tear you down as soon as your back is turned. If you’ve made me angry, I can guarantee you that I’ve blogged about it or discussed it with someone. I will vent my cold, little heart out.

Discuss that, bitches.