I wanted to do a funny blog for my first post. Because normally, I’m pretty fucking hilarious. However, things have been … weird lately. And it’s completely my fault.

I kept putting off posting this because I wanted to wait until I had another topic to write about, but it’s not going away. And, yes, it’s stupid and silly. I feel like I’m back in high school but not in a good way.

And I feel like posting this would really help me get past whatever strangeness is happening with me. So here it goes, the introduction to the third mysterious blog writer, Anna.

Hello

…

I like someone.

I mean, I wouldn’t die of heartbreak if we never spoke again, but I can feel myself growing more and more attached whenever he comes around. And lately, it’s been pretty frequent. It’s absolutely fucking terrifying that I can’t stop my it from happening.

The problem is, I’m 100% sure he doesn’t feel the same. AND he might have a thing for Helena. (But of course, she doesn’t see it and will probably disagree with me. Love you dear, but no, you’re wrong.)

I fucking hate being in this situation.

I’m always stuck in the middle of these awkward-ass relationships when I have a crush on one of the attached parties. Not an awesome place to be. Like, ever.

Once, I had my two best friends date each-other. I’ve liked one of them for a while, but never had the guts to tell him.

It was the worst.

Sam (who is a girl) would whine that her boyfriend Josh was being “distant lately.” Then beg me to talk to him about it. When I’d ask him what’s up he’d say, “Oh, I’m just buying time until I break up with her.”

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

You can’t tear my loyalties! What is the right move there? Do I tell Sam you want to break up with her, before you do? Do I tell Josh that Sam knows something wrong?

Why am I in the middle of this shit?

Josh broke up with Sam. I had to help pick up the pieces – and unfortunately, that leaves him completely off-limits. Because it’s the goddamn girl code.

Later this guy named Elijah and I started talking.

But I had been seriously friend-zoned. He kept telling me about the girls he liked. In order there was Janis, Kylie, Rayna, and Melissa. It hurt, but I tried to convince myself that I didn’t really like him. And eventually, after getting rejected by all of them, he asked me out.

I of course had some hesitation but I liked him so I said yes.

I was a fucking idiot.

Being someone’s fifth choice is not a good place to start a relationship.

He asked to go on a “break” and a few weeks later, I ended things. Because “breaks” are just bullshit.

I recently had a huge crush on this guy, Issac, who debates with me. He’s adorable and quirky – a lot of fun to be around.

Then he slept with my debate partner, and close friend.

Motherfucker.

I’m out.

I’m just done.

I can’t compete with these women.

I don’t blame them and I’m not angry at them. If anything, I totally get it. They are amazing people. They’re funny, beautiful, intelligent, strong, women. All of these admirable traits are why I’ve picked them as friends. I like surrounding myself with exceptional people that push me to be better myself.

But – I always find myself in this place where I fall for a guy, only to find out he can’t stop thinking about my best friend.

Generally, I have cynical views on love and romance. So I wonder if this is why. It’s like I try not to get my hopes up because experience has proven that most guys are not into me. Like maybe, if I really manage to convince myself that I don’t find him absolutely amazing, that if I see him as just another asshole in the world on an angry pussy prowl, that it’ll make his inevitable attraction to my friends less painful.

I don’t know.

I’m not angry, nor am I heartbroken. I’m just guarded right now. I’m careful, I’m prudent. And I won’t tell the larger group of “friends” anything. Only my closest friends, Helena, and Ramona.

However this turns out, if anything turns out, I’ll be okay.

I always am.