I had dinner with Anna last night (because we’ve made it a habit of ditching out of hula class).

She dropped this on me, out of nowhere: “You should get married.”

I’m fairly sure my jaw literally dropped in surprise, mid-chew.

-chewchewchewswallow- “Um…what?”

“You would make a good wife. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not trying to be offensive, but I don’t think you’d necessarily make a good girlfriend. But you’d make the best wife. You should just skip over dating and go straight to marriage.”

If only it worked that way.

Well, technically, it could. I could be akin to a mail-order bride and lack any kind of standards. But then, why bother with marriage at all?

Anna and I view marriage very differently. She sees it as a bit of an unnecessary prison. You don’t need marriage to find someone that you love enough to commit to, someone to share happiness with, someone to be there when you need them. But, all the while, living your own life, doing your own thing. And that’s fine. It’s a fantastic alternative to being alone, if that’s what you want. If you can find someone to provide you with the things you want (a family, a happy home, financial stability), being content or happy together without being in “true love”; that’s great. Go for it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want, how you can get it, and pursuing it. Anna sees marriage as a possible (but ultimately unnecessary) objective to reach an ultimate end goal: family.

Whereas, I see marriage as the end goal. To me, marriage is so much more than a piece of paper binding two people together. I recognize that marriage is a lot of work and it’ll take a lot of effort to ultimately be happy. But I see marriage as two people sharing a life together. Really sharing a life. It’s not about me doing my own thing while you do yours. I don’t want a life where I can pursue my own passions and dreams to come home to a man who spent the day chasing his own dreams. I want a life where a husband and wife can create goals to accomplish together. That isn’t to say that I abandon my dreams and create new ones. The point is to share my dreams with my husband. My dreams become his dreams for me.

I want a shared life. I want someone who will help me pursue my dreams, someone I can count on to always be there in the good times and the bad. I don’t want just a roommate. I want a best friend who will want things from me and will want me to expect things of him. I want someone to care for. I want someone who loves me unconditionally.

I just have standards, dammit.

And yeah, I want a happily ever after now. But is it really worth it if I don’t put in the work to get there? Sure, dating is a mess. But it’s fun, too. Dating is the chance to better figure out what exactly you want in a relationship. It’s when your standards are tested and when you exceed your limits.

This is the one area of my life where I won’t take the easy way out.