“Ned: Oh, everyone wants stuff. We wake up everyday with a list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy.
Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.”

Those line comes from the TV series Pushing Daisies (the Bitches episode).

While I was marathoning through the first season, snuggled up in bed in sweatpants and a bra, this concept of wants vs. needs just resonated through me. I actually had to rewind to listen to this exchange again. And I lay there, wracking my brain.

Have I been living my life all wrong?  I’ve focused my life on figuring out what I want and how to get it. I’ve spent my days either chasing wants or wallowing in self-pity because my desires are unattainable. But, whether I acquire these desires or not, I’ll always want more. I’ve been so fixated on getting what I want and whether or not I deserve it that I never thought about what I need to be happy. I always assumed that obtaining those wants would be the key to my ultimate happiness.

So, what do I need to be happy? I’m mostly content with my current life. I’m actually the happiest I’ve been in a long while. I have a well-paying job (that isn’t particularly fun), a loving family (that I don’t often open up to), great friends (that are an okay time when they aren’t drunk off their ass), and a working laptop (with the occasional steady internet connection). I can’t imagine living a happy life without these influences. But, at the same time, I’m not happy. I still feel like something is missing. And I can’t figure out what it is.

As much as I don’t think I need my every desire to be happy, I do believe that I need to pursue my desires for happiness. Without the chase, my life lacks meaning. Without that chase, I’m stuck in a constant state of “What do I want?” and “Where do I go from here?” Without something to look forward to, I’m lost in where I am. And where I am, as content as I am, isn’t good enough.