I was too lazy to think up an idea for a post today. So, here’s more angst for you. I wrote this my Senior year of high school and, godfuckingdammit, was I hurt. And it was just pathetic.

To help set the mood: Beautifully by Jay Brannan

Teenage Girl on October 8, 2010

I try to express everything I feel into words,
It’s definitely not as easy as you’d expect.
My mind is spinning, I’m so confused,
It’s all your fault.
You say I’m your best friend, yet,
You’d leave me for someone else.
I don’t understand how you could want me
But reject me.
Disappointed hopes and disappointed dreams,
I’m falling, not in love, but out.
Well, I thought I was in love,

But I don’t know.
That’s the thing about me, though.
I never know.
I thought I did,
But I’ve been wrong so many times.

You just pulled the biggest let-down of my life.
I fake the smiles, I pretend to laugh,
Finally, I’m through with playing this charade.
The facade has slipped, you see me for me.
Am I anything like you expected?
Miss Happy-Go-Lucky-Sunshine-and-Joy,
She died when you broke her heart.

But I don’t know.
That’s the thing about me, though.
I never know.
I thought I did,
But I’ve been wrong so many times.

You know, I still want you.
And I think that I need you.
The problem is, I don’t want to.
Why would I want someone like you?
You lifted me up when I was down,
You must’ve known I would’ve fallen for you.
You say I’m the best, I’m the only one who understands,
Then, may I ask, why would you choose her?
You say that I’m beautiful.
But I guess I’m just not beautiful enough.

But I don’t know.
That’s the thing about me, though.
I never know.
I thought I did,
But I’ve been wrong so many times.

Well, I guess it’s time to say goodbye.
I still want you,
You still want her,
She still wants you.
I can’t wait on the sidelines forever.
If you and her are ever through,
Look for me.
Maybe I’ll still be up at night thinking of you.
But, honestly, I hope I’m not.
I want to be over this.
It hurts too much to dream of you.
So I guess I’ll say my goodbye.

But I don’t know.
That’s the thing about me, though.
I never know.
I thought I did,
But I’ve been wrong so many times.
I hope I’m right this time…
Goodbye.