A substitution satire I wrote three years ago. It’s about how girls play mind games. I really liked this piece. Just sayin’.

Mind Games

Nervous, I settled myself in the seat across from my girlfriend. She was beautiful, as always. I’ve always thought that I’ve been a good boyfriend, a loyal boyfriend. I can proudly say that I’ve never strayed from the path of our relationship. We’ve always had great times together. But now, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.

The distance between us felt farther than it actually was. The little black and white tiles lay on the table, blank and uninviting. Sixty-four squares exactly. What the hell was I putting myself through?

I’m not a very good thinker, I’ll admit. Strategizing just isn’t my kind of thing. And now, Rachel was making me do this. “C’mon, baby, it’ll be fun. I promise,” she had said. It had been the same even before we started dating. She would bat her eyelashes, stick out her lower lip, and pout. And I would give her anything she wanted. Just like now. “God, I hate chess,” I thought to myself. Grimly, I watched her make the first move. Moving her pawn two spaces ahead, she began the game.

“Hey, baby, guess what?” she said coyly. “I talked to Kenny yesterday. We spent all night talking. He is so great.” She moved a knight and took my bishop.

“Wow, that’s great, hon,” I responded with forced cheerfulness. Looking at the board, I didn’t know what to do. Half the game had gone by and I still didn’t know the rules. Discouraged, I moved a pawn to an empty space in front of it.

“Oh, and sorry about not answering when you called,” she said indifferently. “Kenny was on the phone and I just couldn’t stop talking to him. He’s one of the best people I know.” Shifting her bishop, she managed to capture my queen and endanger my king. “Check,” she haughtily stated.

“Well, couldn’t you have called back?” I asked gently, trying not to aggravate her. The board was still a mess of black and white to me, with no logical rhyme or reason to it. I randomly selected a piece and moved it to an empty block.

“Honey, the rook can’t move diagonally, only forward or sideward,” she criticized. “Anyway, I would’ve called, but I was just so tired. Besides, I knew you would understand. Kenny and I are gonna go bowling next weekend, just the two of us. It’ll be great.”

Jealousy flashed through me and I couldn’t speak. Kenny was a great guy, sure, but I didn’t think I wanted him going anywhere with my girlfriend. I couldn’t even understand why Rachel was bringing him up. For all I knew, we barely knew him. Rachel moved her queen and, with her knight, again jeopardized my king.

Frustrated, I knew I wouldn’t win this game. Lately, it seemed that I hadn’t been winning at all. I moved a pawn to any empty space. If it was wrong, Rachel didn’t seem to care.

“That’s great, Rachel,” I said through gritted teeth. “Fine. If Rachel wants to go with Kenny, let her. I don’t care anymore,” I thought.

“Checkmate,” Rachel smugly declared. “It seems I win again.”